THERE IS A NEW SLEEP ALBUM TO BE LISTENED TO RIGHT NOW! IT’S CALLED THE SCIENCES! YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT AND PROBABLY ORDER A 500 GRAM-TRIPLE VINYL VERSION OF IT RIGHT NOW!

It really is a great meme

The only two owners who have had appropriate (or close to appropriate responses) so far are Ranadive and Shad Khan. This is no surprise as they are the only people of color owners.

who sound like this guy...

Who’s a good boy?! The Retrievers are good boys! Good boys!

Our senior English class went to NYC in 1990. We were leaving FAO Schwartz and the tour guide directed everyone towards Trump tower. Most of us had no idea who he was. Suddenly a pigeon shit in my head. One of my teachers went with me back to the bus to help me clean it up.

The seagull does not have a cool cry. It has a cry like horrible vermin that infest the beach and the surrounding 20 miles like roaches. I would rather get hit by the meteor.

Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?

Ever been on the beach with seagulls approaching whatever picnic materials you have and then thought, “I might have to fight these birds”? Think about it, fighting a flying seagull with your bare hands. You can’t lean into them cause they’re flying, it’s hard to land a punch. I’m pretty sure I’d be backpedaling until…

And they’re stupid as fuck. The Target parking lot is not a sea, you stupid assholes

When you woke up this morning, did you think of yourself as someone who would call the teenaged survivor of a mass shooting a liar on the internet, or are you surprised to learn that about yourself?

In response to Trumps tweet.

there’s male pattern baldness, and there’s concentrated evil that results in hair loss

Hmmm....

Republican in the front, skinhead in the back.

Next victim’s father...

I have a feeling several other people will have 5 minutes alone with Nassar