“But then I thought, ‘nah’.”

Fuck

“Challenge accepted”

As an official White Person From Connecticut™, I can brook much of this ribbing in good humor. My tartans and cakes and mug toppers will survive this onslaught of Magaryisms. My holiday good cheer will continue apace and my cup will runneth over with nasty-ass truffle oils while I listen to the Non-specific Winter…

Oh I have such a shame. I allowed a genetically altered bin of NOXplode to bite an Abercrombie & Fitch cable knit sweater and now we have this apple smashing creature to deal with. I am so sorry.

I cried a trail of them!

Impressive mediocrity demands an impressive graphic.

Hi. White male here. Also raised in the burbs. Been pulled over many times and have been extended every courtesy. Most of the time the cops have called me sir and let me off with a warning. Also most times I had weed in my car. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a cop with his hand on his weapon before.

Well, the cop probably knew you were a repeat offender. 2 dozen times? Slow the fuck down and stop at the fucking light!

See, driving while White is also dangerous!

It’s not that he doesn’t love football now. He just chose to play later rather than sooner.

No surprise here, we’re not talking about Charles Stayer

I wonder if this will be a recurring thing in college sports? I could see a lot of players across football and basketball deciding not to potentially injure themselves during a season in which they’re not getting paid while preparing to go high in a draft. It would probably make the NCAA think twice about not paying…

I’m hoping that as their only policy plans so far have been to “Drain the swamp!” President-elect Dipshit decides “Well we’re going to keep things as Obama had them for a while until we can figure out what we’re doing...” and then every member of his cabinet and constituency dies of rage stroke.

Please, please, please, let the Trump-Pence administration’s first full scale scandal... be the contents of leaked emails.

This is my favorite part from the WSJ article:

I think I see what you did there. You’re talking about your butt, right?

This is good advice. But it is hard to follow. Especially since I love drinks 3 and 4 most of all.