Didn’t realize the Kardashians are in the next matrix movie.

Let’s just talk about it! Look at the 1992 comin atcha from this photo!!! Kim looks positively atrocious in this Trendy Wendy mall nightmare. She couldn’t have picked a worse cut for the trousers. *MEaNwHiLe!!* Kourtney is looking positively perfect in this Jane Lane/Reality Bites babydoll and chunky shoe, she even…

I was gonna say...I’m a PA and do runs a lot during the day and Staples is one of the few reliable places to find a public restroom.

But not too lazy to pose for a picture to post to social media!

 For real, was she just too lazy to find one? Or if you drove there, take the baby out to the car to change them, that's what I did most of the time. 

Ummm..  restrooms exist in most Staples locations. You might interrupt a hobo jerking off, but still.

Imagine someone cast a spell on him while he slept and he magically awakened with full self awareness and the emotional intelligence to see how weak, juvenile, emotionally stunted he is. Also the fact that to most women he is not only not sexually appealing but his words and deeds pertaining to women and sexuality are…

My worst was my 6th. It was my first year in school and so the first one where a bunch of kids were invited. And a lot of kids showed up. Sounds good, right? Problem was my alcoholic mother was in no way equipped to deal with a houseful of little kids and parents she didn’t know. So she was taking frequent trips to…

“After receiving public pressure from Senator Elizabeth Warren to release three former female employees from their NDAs, Bloomberg did so.”

Um, you’re kind missing the big one here. Under oath he stated that a man should not be convicted of rape unless there was an “unimpeachable third party witness” (i.e. if the Pope doesn’t physically see the rape happen, it didn’t happen).

I have a friend who found an even better market hack, he doesn’t really invest much himself but he used this one weird trick and was born into a wealthy family, now he doesn’t even have to worry about the market at all!

I grew up in a small Texas town that is currently in Louie Gohmert’s congressional district. When I was in 5th grade (in the late 70s) the conservative Episcopal elementary school I attended decided that the event they needed to have was a drag beauty pageant for all the upper grade students — which all the mothers…

Really, the secret key to success in the market is trying to time the market so that you are buying when it is at the lowest and selling at the highest.

Shit, the dude is a plate of nachos, Flanders Style:

Relax, it’s a harmless mild beer hipster. We get it, you only drink some microbrew released one week out of the year that requires a secret password to purchase.

When I was growing up, summer meetings of the Boy Scout troop were kinda slow. Usually only two or three kids. One summer evening, the church had stocked all their donated clothes in one of the rooms off from the hall where we held meetings. I and my fellow scouts took one look at all the fabulous 80s fashion hanging…

A few weeks ago there was supposed to be a drag queen story hour at the library in my town. They had to shut it down because of the sheer volume of threats from the public. There are a LOT of guns around here, so you have to take that stuff literally deadly serious. I know of at least 4 kids that were fairly upset by…

So the toilet’s outside but there’s a tub inside? That tub’s going to get peed in a lot.

Tempus fugit, Jer. About 15 years ago I took my visiting cousin, who was about 22, to a Manhattan restaurant and we were squeezed into a table next to Cyndi Lauper and a couple of her pals. I said hello and said, “Tight quarters here. I guess we’ll all be eating together.”

Didn’t the producers ever see Cyrano de Bergerac? Love is only blind when it’s too late, and someone is dying of a head wound.