Can't say she was really using good judgment in getting sperm from an ex boyfriend.

Unlike other automatic feeders, our intelligent algorithmically controlled system can make it hard for this behavior to happen by slowing down the distribution of food over longer periods of time. We can also know who is cheating and stealing because our scale weighs the cats each time they feed or drink and the…

The picture of the President sitting on the Rosa Parks bus is nice as well.

Some of us have huge, god-given racks AND absurd amounts of debt!

Why not? After all, Kim Kardashian has spent way more than $30k to look like Kim Kardashian.

If I had time and money to blow to attempt to look like Kim K, I would just work on my Kim Cardassian costume.

It is not fair to judge someone without really getting to know them, but I can very confidently say that if I ever met someone who said they didn't like Dolly Parton I would know pretty much I would want nothing to do with them. Luckily I have never met anyone who doesn't like Dolly Parton.

She's hardly some high fashion model (also, maybe this angular look is a little ethnocentric? no?) She poses in Sports Illustrated. Come off it. You people are just jelly because she's a fox AND she's very funny.

I draw the damn line at canned potatoes.

Cats = lizards with fur.

Poor kitty, my ass. We're all doomed, you sympathizer.

WAS IT A TIGER?

"So one time, I was Bob's house. We were hanging out, licking ourselves, giving humans dirty looks who tried to pet us, flicking our tails—you know, typical boys night out. Then, out of the blue comes this puppy, just bailing around the corner. I start to freak out, but you'll never guess what Bob does! It's so funny,…

I'm also ashamed at myself for creating a list and leaving off Robin Wright. DAMNIT

I know, right? He's a true humanitarian, and I'm sure that Sofia Vergara (dating 37-year-old Joe Manganiello), Jennifer Garner (married to 41-year-old Ben Affleck), Amy Poehler (dating 36-year-old Nick Kroll), and Cameron Diaz (dating 35-year-old Benji Madden) all feel much better about themselves now.

Yeah, what a dog.

A 55-year-old writer is willing to fuck 42-year-old entertainers whose jobs consist, in part, of exercising and grooming and botoxing so that they can be hot. Gosh. I'm shocked.