On this episode of Punk’d: I found a bunch of my ex’s credit cards and gave them to my buddy Matt. I guess you should have gotten me that dirt bike Demi. 

I recently drank way too much and had to hold on to the throne. It happens.

My dad’s name is Cecil, but one of my grandma’s “boyfriends” used to call him Cephus. Whenever I see or hear the name, I flash back to a cross-eyed brother at my grandma’s front door greeting my dad with the words “How you doin’, Cephus?”

I’m proud of y’all. It’s amaaaaaaazing when we can follow our dreams and live our best lives in the process. Cheers to black excellence!

I’m saying. He’d DO ANYTHING for her. That man adores her and knows how lucky he is to have her in his life. So somebody needs to tap Serena like right now. I think adding media mogul to her resume would TOTALLY make sense. Serena, where you at!? Somebody tag her!

Cephus sounds like the last name of the neighbor that has a 1987 Monte Carlo SS rusting out that he SWEARS he’s gonna fix one day so he won’t sell it to you. Mr. Cephus did 17 tours in Korea. Cephus’s daughter is fine as wine. Cephus would have gone pro if he didn’t hurt his knee. Cephus don’t know if it’s your…

I said “Cephus? CEPHUS?!” in surprise and a tin of Murray’s Pomade fell from the sky.

I swear Bon Morte probably hit refresh 1000x waiting for the weekend essays. Dude was the absolute worst and just picks fights with everyone.

This is why I can’t be all squee about the Harry-Megan romance/wedding/schmoopiness.  I mean, if she’s happy, great, but she’s given up a lot to take on this role and this marriage, and so it all feels more bittersweet than sweet.  Kate was so young and seemed to have molded herself and her interests for the…

I would very much enjoy the money and the ability to ride Prince Hot Ginge’s royal fleshscepter whenever I wanted, but everything else about being a royal sounds like a lesser level of hell to me. She held her husband’s elbow at an event? She crossed her legs at the knee? She expressed an opinion?!?! CRUCIFY THE HUSSY.

We’ve all seen how he looks at her. If she asked him to save The Root, it would be done in a day.

I’m so happy for you guys. I hope the whole Univision thing works out in your favor. One thing is still certain. If you’re writing, I’m reading. Do your thing, PJ.

Meghan Markle’s sister, Samantha, had an absolute meltdown on Twitter yesterday, after this story came out. She seems to have really lost touch with reality and become completely unhinged. She’s such a nasty, vile woman. I can only imagine how horrible she was to Meghan when she was a child. She’s probably livid that…

 Why is she being so fucking petulant, and refusing to take a principled stance about this? We (and Hollywood, I thought) are more sensitive to this issue now, and LISTEN to others’ experiences and views, there’s no excuse for this type of ignorant and offensive casting. The “but other people did it so why can’t I?”…

I do indeed!

We (and Hollywood, I thought) are more sensitive to this issue now, and LISTEN to others’ experiences and views

Who are you arguing with?

“That and she’s a mediocre actress”.

So what if other cis actors have played trans people? Why is she being so fucking petulant, and refusing to take a principled stance about this? We (and Hollywood, I thought) are more sensitive to this issue now, and LISTEN to others’ experiences and views, there’s no excuse for this type of ignorant and offensive…

Anybody want to help me write a script for Lysette, where she can play Jarlet Scohanssen? A well meaning actress who helps her friend, a homophobic shite bigot called Richael Mappaport, come to terms with his chronic Dolzeal Syndrome?