Jesus Fucking Christ on a Bike.

You know, even in the midst of an awful and shitty day, it’s always a relief to be reminded there’s a Maria Bamford out there doing her damnedest to get us laughing about this heartbreaking, wonderfully absurd, doomed, social experiment we call life.

While by no means a definitive test, I have found that people saying, “fuck this shit,” after doing their first, and only, taste of coke are good people to hang out with.

Pro Tip: Don’t be the guy at the party snorting coke through a Harriet Tubman twenty.

I dunno about this plan... I have a feeling that all of those objectors will have traded in their 20s for some Glenn Beck approved gold...

Seems like that’s the spin, but given his love of self promotion, at least until the loss, that reason would seem to raise more questions.

#SheTheBest

On Darren Rovell: “Shit Is What Shit Is”

Somewhere, right now, Zack Snyder is saying to himself, “Oh thank Christ! It turns out we didn’t release the worst movie of the year!”

USADA banned IVs tho...

“That’s not funny!”

I myself would be interested in owning, in this order:

I know the Cavendish is on its way out, but the alternative varieties of banana are starting to get a little out of control...

Probably the most important thing to keep in mind throughout this process.

Corroborated by his face looking suspiciously turtle-like...

Look, we all know that the so-called Loch Ness ‘Monster’ is really just the ghost of a long dead dinosaur whose projection of its psychic self hits unsuspecting passerbys in such a way as to induce a ‘sighting’.

That’s my kind of cryptozoologist!

One of these days, some person will say some insensitive shit about race, and won’t include the hypothetical green and/or purple people in their sorry-not-sorry, or just not-sorry in this case, response and I’ll think to myself, “Progress!”

That’s the mugshot of a stoner... or a sociopath...