I remember my lifeguard class instructor talking about that when teaching us how to do a gentle entry for those situations. Nobody remembers to do it when it actually happens, though; everybody just dives right in like cowboys. Example (rescue work on this one is horrifying; watch her head flopping around while…

Yeah, this is kind of weird.

Hey, considering it’s senior week, can you blithely pull people out of the greys? Like me, right now?

Without getting too technical, it has to do with breaking the surface tension of the water.

“If my daughter Ivanka was being raped, I’d hope she would have the presence of mind to leave the room.”

He misunderstood when the waitresses asked if he was planning to give them a tip or not.

Did he offer an opinion on the “alternate” Rio logo?

I don’t think a player should be cut for learning, regardless of how sick or twisted his interests might happen to be.

Gruden Talk jokes are always going to get a star from me.

Honestly at this point is sounds like they should just shut the whole fucking school down and then burn it to the ground.

Not really, no. They have long-term agreements in place with the networks, they can’t just up and move a Monday night game to Sunday or whatever.

Can we agree from this point forward to refer to these games as the POO-lympics?

I seem to remember that; don’t you set something free (like a dragon or something) and he pushes it out of the way for you?

It’s not like Deadspin is holding you down and forcing you to read these articles.

WILSON: [at line of scrimmage] UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT...

...a man and a woman smoking a blunt, presumably filled with weed.

...while pointing an unlicensed firearm out the window towards an elementary school playground.

Serious question: why doesn’t the “forward progress” rule apply in these situations?

“I wish I could tell you that Greg fought the good fight, and Sharper let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the NFL is no fairy-tale world.”

That is a fantastic username.