What, you mean tank an entire season’s worth of games and stunt the development of the players who will be carrying the load after he’s gone?

“Man, I cannot WAIT to retire.”

It’s not hard to see hand-ringing over lapsed personal potential and great expectations...

Because this is a sports site, I feel compelled to shoehorn Gus Johnson into the discussion.

“Huh?”

No, no, e^x is the DERIVATIVE of e^x...

Spoken like a true roundhead.

If that determination is upheld, North Carolina could lose millions in federal school funding...

So I googled “king cobra weapon” before it dawned on me that you meant, like, an actual king cobra snake.

“I’ve watched the video three times now, and I didn’t hear the host say a single word about banana lawnmower.”

Why wouldn’t you want to live on a plant like that? It’s like some magical sitcom world where apartments cost next to nothing and mailmen land supermodels.

“Lose a million bucks in one quarter? Pfft. Amateurs.”

“An interception is just a completion to someone you haven’t met yet!”

Oh, hells yeah. Those serrated cutting blades are terrifying; the last thing in the world I want in a public bathroom is an open wound.

Holy cow, I forgot how insanely white that Celtics team was.

I sure hope so. Nothing pissed me off more than when he won the Finals MVP against the Celtics after being dragged kicking and screaming to a title by Artest and Gasol.

“Jordan! Buddy! How’s the round going?”

Davis Love III just did it too.

His only regret is that he has boneitis.

His only regret is that he has boneitis.