Because high school football coaches are rare as hen’s teeth in Texas. And by “hen’s teeth” I mean “guns”.

As opposed to the new guy?

Does this father and team son know they’re an ad? DO THEY KNOW???

I would, but I’m still traumatized after last time. Which was my own fault, really; I never should have gone in there without knocking first.

It was third down, though - any play that leaves the clock running doesn’t leave them enough time to line up the field goal and they can’t spike it cause it’s fourth down.

You don’t notice them because they only raise them up during field goal attempts.

Mine (Lily, pictured) just wants the recognition - she has a special yowling kind of meow that she’ll use when she’s got something. If I let her play around with her prey long enough she’ll usually eat it.

Oh, one last thing - I do require access to computer facilities in order to complete my work assignments.

My fees? Quite reasonable. I require one sunbeam and exactly two belly rubs per day.

A copy of my resume? But of course! Here you are:

Perhaps I can be of assistance?

Do you masturbate when you fantasize about shooting “some punk” or do you just stroke it a little over the pants?

Because at the end of the evening he would be too tired from performing to abuse his spouse?

Commissioner’s Punishment Wheel [artist’s conception]

Blah blah blah, another fucking IPA hits the market, bumping more of the stuff I like out of the stores.

There’s a part waiting for him in the next Scary Movie installment too.

Also, I made this photoshop to go with it:

We had some fun with this over at [doorfliesopen] - it’s intended to be a successor of KSK: http://doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015…

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with them that they publicize this shit. They used to have a weekly post dedicated to street fights; it saddens me to see it pop up in a different for like this.

Splendid.