Well you have to understand that what you see on TV is not usually the actual game clock. What you see on TV is NEVER official - only the actual scoreboard timing operator in the arena is official. Depending on the venue and the production team, the majority of time what you see on TV is one of four things:

El Bartoman

Natural fit, considering how good he is at withholding information about 9-11 year-olds.

Wow.

In case anybody was confused what the Deadspin Editorial Policies are, I have obtained this top-secret internal memo. This is the highest JaVale McGee will ever be in any sort of power ranking.

Oh that's good.

Taco Bell: sponsoring bad gastrointestinal decisions around the world.

Yes.

My mom bought a Paintstick back in the day (basically a big tube that you fill with paint, and it had a roller it would squeeze out of). It was actually pretty good.

Jeffrey Loria: "Ready to go Mr. Ali? This is going to be great!"

Pictured: 2024 Socialist Party presidential nominee AJ Daulerio.

The worst part is, it turned out his column was actually a rip-off of Jason Whitlock's fishing-themed April Fools' piece, 425-lbs. Test.

Did I do it right?

"We can not allow the Iraqi linsurgery to stifle freedom and ruin the progress made in that country."

It just made me a second account with no avatar, star, or comment history.

I always thought that too, because of Tazz's fake championship he made up in ECW.

Graphland.com

Now this is the kind of Deadspin-Twitter integration I can get behind.

This is like the Internet equivalent of giving myself a handjob.

I was driving home from work today, and passed through a small backwater town where the most of the residents are considered attractive if they have all their teeth. On the sidewalk I see what appeared to be an 18 year-old girl wearing a skin-tight white tube dress with strategic slits, rocking 5" dayglo pink pumps,…