Gabby Giffords, Arena Football Fan, Drawn By Brightly-Colored Uniforms

Yup.

That's so clever! And I bet you heard that one time they all threw snowballs at Santa Claus, then stole his wallet in the parking lot! Because Philadelphians are fucking terrible!

I think it's the real deal, but I don't think it's as big as the Red Sox or Yankees. Definitely the biggest in the NL now.

Do not underestimate how insanely popular the Phillies are over a pretty large geographical area, not just in the immediate Philly area but also in South Jersey, Delaware, and virtually all of central and eastern Pennsylvania east of a State College-Altoona line. That's a shit ton of people, comparable, I'd wager, to…

Salsa DUAN

Fantasy DUANball

Two Feet Form Disaster: The Rise and Fall of Starbury

Have to look somewhere since they abandoned their MySpace.

Professional Extreme Dispute Organization

"It’s The Dallas Fake-Coughing Mavericks," Says LeBron Stupid James

"Is that... Oh my God, it's Chris Hanson's music!"

You don't think I spent a solid half hour trying to figure that out today? I'm ready to hack the Gibson and hijack a supercomputer to work on that thing.

Speak of the devil, that asshole tried to steal my cheeseburger earlier tonight.

Analysis Lube

That is all.

If your one trick is a pony, and you pay her in carrots, you might be a redneck.

I actually stopped the DVD 20 minutes in and took it back to the box rental thing. The hatred I felt towards Ben Affleck and his Boston accent was deep and inexplicable.

What? He just grips it and tries to hold still. Give it a few minutes, he'll finish.

Does it even matter who it is? We have no player pool. Left back? Nope. Center back? Nope. Strikers? Nope. Midfield? Old. Goalkeeper? Old.