Oooooh you guys are going to be disappointed.

It's just a slowed-down chat room. And everybody tries to out-dickjoke everybody else. It's great.

@DJJJWeaver ?

Honest to goodness, Twitter is all that is getting me through the work day anymore. You fuckers are hilarious.

It was a good comment, although not as funny as Major League superstar Fred McGriff's hat.

It's one thing to do the "Usain Bolt just won a race" reaction, but it takes some real skill to pull off that "R. Kelly doused in liquid" celebration.

Wow, lately it takes a plane crash to get this much blink in a headline.

5/1 - "Two Guys, One Cup" A 30,000-word conversation between Simmons and his father opining on the Bruins' playoff run.

Barry, Barry, Barry. How quickly you forget Reggie Jackson's ill-fated baseball-hagiography mashup, ReginaldofBullDurham.com.

How is this different than anything I've done already?

First off, +1 for the Dun and the ego stroke.

I still want someone to use Stumpy Joe Robbie.

This comes up every couple months. I think the usual consensus is that it rhymes with Juan.

Puritan Bear does not approve of your comment.

You have a pretty solid history with these things.

If you re-named yourself Stumpy Joe Robbie you would immediately become my seventh-favorite commenter.

"For all the Tostitos," indeed.

Nah I go back in two weeks. I'm sure it's nothing. It was one of those things that had I not already maxed out my deductible for the year, I probably wouldn't have bothered getting looked at, but since it wasn't costing me anything, what the hell. But a word of advice: if a doctor ever wants to jam a needle into your…

Sorry fella. How are your post-wisdom teeth delusions going? I remember when I had mine out and I was rolling on oxy. I went to the bathroom and was looking in the mirror, and for some reason I decided to punch myself in the head. I didn't feel a thing, but it was HILARIOUS. To me.

Well if you're like the rest of the NHL, you score about five goals on them and call it a night.