Mariotti felt something slimy smack against his body. It was mayonnaise.

I believe the "Illinois trots" is the excuse the Wisconsin senators used to call in sick with.

You're right, you got me. I'm actually Hedo Turkoglu.

I should also point out that I did not wish to imply that Bleacher Report commenters drive Pagani Zondas. They all drive 1997 Toyota Tercels.

When reached for comment, Updyke's new lawyer Suel Forrester said, "Days jus some sill ol' tree down in da gro. Mah cline innocin' bah way he drinky poppa. ROW TIE!"

I think you're right that it's somewhat unremarkable from a safety standpoint, because these cars now are built so safely. If you look at the photos, it crushed where it should have and the cockpit is relatively intact.

Ersan Ilyasova strikes again!

I have a feeling Toomer's Corner will really give Mark Sanchez a run for his money in the 2011 Sports Wood Of The Year balloting.

@Same Sad Echo:

I would PAY to watch SNL this week if they bring back Farrell to do a Celebrity Jeopardy with an IBM PCjr playing the part of Watson.

Are they SURE it's an herbicide? My wood dies just from Auburn fans being around.

Tennessee Williams Disregards Women, Drinks

I wish you hadn't posted that at 2 a.m., because that is fucking awesome and more people need to read it.

@See you suckers later: I don't get the bitching anymore. Not about the design anyway. Are they trying to make more money? Fuck yes they are. And we should be glad for it. This isn't ESPN Insider. We aren't paying for this.

@Armen Tamzarian: Wait, whoa. Whoa whoa whoa.

Yeah, my feelings exactly. The loss of commenters is probably the worst aspect of the whole thing.

Oh, if you think I'm not photoshopping Uwe into an MRI photo of my noggin, you don't know me.

Judging by the amount of comments on the site, I'd say like 75% of the commentariat is already "protesting"

Len Lesser, Seinfeld's Uncle Leo, dead at 88.

I admit, I am in the vast minority that likes the redesign. I don't like, hovever, the ridiculously broken commenting system and their complete disregard for their commenting base over the last week or two.