Yikes... he looks like Augustus Gloop if he’d actually become Slugworth’s mentee.

Holy christ, she is such a bitter husk of a human.

Go on.

That’s the tomato troll.

That’s like 20 years ago... the average contract is about $8M per WAR now. If Carter repeats his worst year, they still got their money’s worth. If he has an average year, they got a huge bargain.

Maybe Re-Kill? It’s not a great movie by any means, but it’s set in a stabilized post-zombie world, and the whole thing is interspersed Starship Troopers-style with satirical commercials and interviews (e.g. “Where were you when the zombies came?”).

Oh my god I love this

I still hear the BLR Ted Cruz voice rather than his actual voice whenever I see his big, stupid, shitty face. It suits him so, so much better.

Every single reply to that tweet brings me more than a small amount of joy.

*Cable meets Deadpool*

I’m sure your family in Berlin would be ecstatic that you’re scapegoating a child of Jewish immigrants in service of a fascist agenda. Well done, noble resistance fighter.

You should probably google “triple parentheses.”

Mazel Tov Cocktail

Christ, are you still going? Buddy, in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t actually care. I just wanted to see how many paragraphs you’d write in support of decriminalizing sexual assault, but this is getting absurd. Keep going if you must, and I’ll keep writing 30 second replies in return. I’ll probably start quoting…

Christ, THANK YOU. If I have to read one more person, left or right, who thinks they have some special window into Clinton’s soul that the rest of us don’t, I’m going to smash my laptop through the windshield of my car.

You are so paranoid. Millions of kids get drunk and get busy every weekend without an issue. I did it god knows how many times in college. Maybe you should examine why you’re so terrified of getting in legal trouble for it.

Show me the law that says that. I flat out don’t believe you.

Yep, those devious women, always getting drunk and then getting guys convicted of sexual assault. Man, if it’s that easy, half of all college students would be in the pokey.

You are intent on dry-humping this case into the ground, aren’t you? Sorry your buddy got busted with his dirty-ass hands inside a passed out woman behind a dumpster, but you know what they say about not doing the crime in regards to the time also being done.

Yeah no, sorry, you don’t get to martyr yourself just because you don’t understand playoff bullpen management. Take your lumps and listen to people smarter than you next time.