Your theory doesn't include the Illuminati, so I'm not listening.

And I can already smell the barrage of think pieces from pop culture critics trying to dissect a marriage they were never a part of.

Really? Cars driving in a circle is a live sport?

I pray, in 77.4 years when Jeanette Daniels Benziger's great-great-great-grandson is begrudgingly doing a family tree for 4th grade, he lazily uses google and unwittingly stumbles upon the fact that his relative, Jeanette Daniels Benziger, had a brief turn as an internet meme on a vulgar defunct sub-blog of the the…

If you were a real baker, you would already know the answer to that.

Only a liberal would cook chicken that long

We need to make this a thing, people.

I work in a soul crushing cubicle and with a few exceptions, my co workers don't really get along. As a result, comment sections have become a key source of human interaction...which means that I'm probably one forum away from taking up residence in a bell tower and high powered rifle.

"And I saw the Four Horsemen of the Comment Apocalypse, and they said in unison unto me: 'Beware the false idol Kinja and her wily ways.' And I, for my part, took up my mobile device and screeched, 'EVEN NATIVE AMERICANS DON'T THINK THE NAME IS OFFENSIVE!' and lo, the Angel Snyder smiled down on me, well pleased."

Couldn't be real, anyway. All the sanctimonious asshole Christians in this country suddenly disappearing certainly doesn't qualify as punishment in my book.