He’s the envy of the league and the country.

He can live in Canada.

Don’t even ask about Predators-Senators.

I mean, it’s basically the same scenario Brian Madison faced, when he had to choose Eric Gordon or his son, Billy, to give control of his Fortune 500 hotel company. Except in this case, Billy is not a lovable goof with a heart of gold, but an unrepentant asshole.

So the guns are reasonably priced, but they hit you in the pocketbook for the ammo.

I guess the line at the #MAGA t-shirt tent was too long.

This is why we cannot have nice things

Shit in a hot dog bun is not a shit sandwich.

IF THE POOP IS SAUSAGE SHAPED IT CAN NOT BE CONSIDERED A SANDWICH, I WILL FIGHT YOU IN THE MOUTH

Why differentiate when a hot dog IS a sandwich?

Was the shit spread out on the bread, or was it an unbroken log? If it’s an unbroken log, then why even go with the 2 pieces of bread instead of a bun? Madness. You wouldn’t eat a hot dog that way.

Donald Trump slapped his second-most slappable son, who was wearing a Yankees shirt at the time?

C’mon man, that’s not fair. Sox fans can’t write.

You know who didn’t fucking do this? White Sox fans, after 88 years. We had some dead family members too but didn’t caterwaul about it endlessly.

My grandfather died without ever having seen the cubs win the world series. So, my Dad, ever the crazy asshole he is, brought a radio out on the porch so gramps could listen in from heaven. We all thought he was going out there to jack off, but nope he was going out there to be with his Dad, which I thought was sweet.…

Just before the final out, my 95 year old grampa, veteran of two wars, cancer survivor, and long-suffering cubs fan, pulled me aside and, with a tear forming in his steel grey eyes, said, “The blacks ruined this neighborhood and your sister dresses like a whore.” This was for him.

It’s a real kick in the nuts.

Some perspective on how historic this is:

The fastest-growing sports show in America, brought to you by Cialis.

“I looked around the room and everyone had their heads down. And I said no.”

He should have known better than to try to sing an ABBA song.