@President Camacho: Well said. The most annoying thing about self-important douches like Shirley and Bill Hicks Ringtone (below) is that they apparently think everyone donating to Haiti is under the false impression that, pre-earthquake, Haiti was some magical happy-land, where people lived in gumdrop houses on…

@Its_Jetertastic: Well, honestly, at some point don't those orphaned children have to take responsibility for their own situation? They were the ones who decides to be born in Haiti to parents who couldn't survive a massive earthquake, after all.

@funzette: I think libertarians are damn sexy. It's the glasses. And when they let down their hair, forget about it.

@twoeightnine: Yes, apparently Drew thinks vagina lips run horizontal.

@FavreFAIL: Wait, Paul Shirley is writing for Slate now?

Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry are black? What's the opposite of the Reggie Cleveland all-stars?

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Yeah, but Floyd had to get antibiotics after that, so I don't know how much that swayed him.

But here's the thing: Floyd's denial first surfaced on a Gators fans message board, and has yet to be corroborated by any legitimate source.

Mike Piazza was talking to bail bondsman Iwannasuckyourcock.

@DaOtterAgain: No one ever claimed that steroids were a magic formula that gave someone hand eye coordination. As you said, steroids help someone become stronger. Thus, someone who has warning track power without steroids might be hitting homers with steroids. Exhibit A - Brady Anderson.

Steroids are not magic. Steroids are not Popeye's spinach. Steroids are not a shortcut (in their most basic function, they allow one to work harder). Steroids do not help one hit a baseball with the fat part of a bat, and steroids do not necessarily help one hit a baseball far.

@Dandy Koufax: If only Kiffin were the coach of Georgia, the parallels would be uncanny.

@ScientificMapp: What's he suspected of, blowing a unicorn?

When you're wearing a "Packers" jersey on Christopher Street, it has a whole different meaning. [Fuck. Bobby Big Wheel beat me to it.]

Before he started using steroids, that bat was much bigger.

Coach Carroll was right. Even though Sanchez had already graduated, rather than challenging himself against the highest level of competition he should have stayed for another year of college glory and hot Southern California tail. It wouldn't have harmed his pro prospects at all.

@Chamomiles Davis: Threw for more victories? Is this 1970, man? Give me the DIPS!

@rulesboy: First time I ever heard Bree Olson and strap-less in the same sentence.

Now's as good a time as any to revive Victor Kiam's old gem:

@Chamomiles Davis: Artie's fat. The cause of, and solution to, all of his problems.