I'm 29 years old and have drank twice in my life. Last time when I was 26. I thought it was kinda silly to pay high prices to put poisons in my body, so I chose to never do it again, and I won't.

I sometimes wonder what it's like being a slave to a substance like so many people are to alcohol. Are they just so void of personality and character, that the only way they can interact with other human beings in social situations is by being buzzed, or completely shit faced? Is your life so incredibly awful that you…

Man, you're so fucking cool, drinking a beer. Congratulations, you do the same thing millions of rednecks do every weekend before they beat the shit out of their wives.

Percy Harvin used to be my second favorite Vikings player. But he punk assed his way out of town, and isn't worth the headaches (both for the Vikings and for himself, with his migraine problems) anymore. Patterson is younger, cheaper, more durable, a better kick returner, and a better person. He's still raw as a…

Uh, he scored TD's in the final 4 games of the season. They were starting to use him more. Whoever they bring in as head coach needs to be the type that builds an offensive system around his players, not the type of dolt moron who tries to scram square pegs into his round holed "West Coast Offense".

When he's not berating band members.

Patterson also the first player in NFL history to score 4 receiving TD's, 3 rushing TD's and 2 KR TD's in the same year.

The Vikings essentially traded Percy Harvin for Patterson. Harvin played in 1 game this year, and now has a long history of injury concerns. Patterson is one of the most versatile weapons in football.

Haven't hipsters found something new to glomb onto yet?

Here's a thought: people who live in Green Bay, or the Upper Midwest in general, are used to the cold, and they know how to dress for it. Layers. Wool socks. Boots. Insulation between you and your seat. It's not difficult.

Except for the fact that Wisconsin, Iowa, South Dakota, and Minnesota all rank in the top 20 in terms of overall health. But hey, don't let silly facts get in the way of your ridiculous geographic stereotypes.

Or, people who know how to dress for the cold and therefore won't be too inconvenienced by it.

Actually, they probably should rewrite the Bible. Take out all the hateful shit. But then you would be left with a 5 page short story.

I see someone else knows how to use the Baseball-Reference Oracle.

I had really good success with online dating, and trust me, I am not attractive. Work on your personality, and maybe don't be so bitter. That would be a good start.

Eat less, eat better, and move more. It's actually that easy.

You forgot:

Fun fact: there was life on Earth before cellular telephones.

It's a good thing you're here to make sure even inane lists like these are diverse. You're truly doing God's work.

Man here, who met 34 different women through OKCupid between mid-August 2012 and January 31, 2013. Here is what I looked for in a profile.

1. Proper spelling and grammar. You could be the hottest girl on Earth, and love all the same stuff I do, but if you write like a 4th grader, you're irrelevant to me. You are an…

Why is "Me&Husband" one entity in this story? Are you two attached at the hip or something?