Totally agree. This would be for the frenemy who cakes it on, is spackled in sparkles, lines her eyes a quarter inch above the lid, still uses frosty mocha lip liner with putty-hued matte lipstick and/or roughly 34 coats of mascara.

The trick is slathering your malicious glee with dollops and dollops of innocent sincerity. Observe:

I like this! OR - a bottle of wine you KNOW is terrible, maybe because you left in your car for a week in August. Gush about what a great wine it is, you read about it in Wine Enthusiast, etc. Hopefully they serve it to their SO's parents at dinner and don't know enough about wine to know it's totally gone to shit,…

Can we talk about the rumor that Idris is going to be tapped to be the next James Bond once ol' Daniel retires? THE HOTNESS WOULD BE LEGENDARY.

If you look closely, the press release says the laptops will be available throughout Japan, which is what I suspected from the over-the-top kawaiiness.