Well I didn’t see the options so I just typed it in! Let’s see...

I am afraid to ask how you you met a 13 year old when you were quite drunk. So I am not going to ask, I am just going to be snarky to suit the style of the AVClub commentariat.

I’m good with the Stranger Things kids (I met Caleb when I was quite drunk a few years ago, and he was a gem), but James Corden can stay the fuck at home for a while

It would be my Christmas card, for sure.

Shit.

I’m worried he’s gonna keep going until he hears Megyn talking back to him through the TV.

In googling “Whit Jesus Flipping Tables” I got this gem

enjoy your new Grenade Launcher

I used to be like you. Back in D1, I pledged to Dead Orbit for the exact same reason.

New Monarchy!!!

No, that is not felony battery. That is at most simple battery. Felonies are serious crimes that should result in at least a year in prison. This comes no where close to being a felony.

I know a lot of people will say “she barely grazed him, how is that a felony?” The laying of hands on any public servant is automatically a felony, regardless of intensity/result.

Nope, won’t happen.

Conservatives:
My business is successful because of my personal accomplishments.
My business failed because of your politics.

I thought the alt-right already had an official greasy, orange pile of garbage that makes your stomach cramp just by looking at it

That is not where a knee cap lives. Go home knee cap, you’re drunk

Whomever voted for CiCi’s should be, well, forced to eat at Cici’s.

Floats like a stick of butter, runs like he saw a bee.

I can’t speak to the legitimacy of the Bennett photo, but I do know this picture is real and it pisses me off. Really, though, we all kind of secretly knew.