Carter/Warren 2016!!

If Michael Bluth has taught us anything, it is that it's way too fucking hot to move to Phoenix.

This is hilarious and an excellent way of making the point but, even though I know you're kidding, I want to point out that there's no "too big for condoms" but there absolutely is "may be too big for a regular condom to operate at peak effectiveness."

Hahaha when I read that I just remember that look Amy gave Doogie Houser in Gone Girl when he took the creme brulee out of her hands hahahahaha.

Matt, quit making burners to post about how hot you are. We've discussed this.

I'm just here to be excited that Maine gets mentioned.

I am a proud Mainer. I don't have a lot to add to that just... Yup. I love my state a whole lot. Someday we'll make the national press for doing something not humiliating. Some day.

I will never forget this lion king scene. She looked at simba with the hardest "come fuck me eyes" I have ever seen.

He continued, "Ask anyone under the age of twenty if they have heard of me and they will go 'no, that guy looks like my dad'

Mulva???

It's a kiwi thing too, basically after any adjective

I freaking lovvvvvvvve Lorde's dancing. She's straight-channeling from somewhere unearthly and celestial. Watching her perform is to witness someone being themselves 100% and being inspired to throw your body around like that and say, "fuck all ya'll, I'm gonna be myself so hard right now". And the lipstick smear at…

Your dick is small ya ya ya

I think this penis joke was really appropriate. Don't publicly rag on somebody else's body unless you're opening the invitation to have yours publicly ragged upon.

thanks

What is sarcasm? How does it work?

Just as in France and Israel you have to serve in the military for a period of time, in my fiefdom every American would be made to be in a service job for AT LEAST a few months. You just never act like an asshole with people when you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

Then why are you commenting? Why are you on this page? No one is making you read this. You do not have to read this page.

Again I pose the question: Why are you reading this