We've got 50 Shades of Chicken already:

Let's give him a fedora and some My Little Pony DVDs and see what happens.

Age: 17

And the money would be bitcoins.

I know how you feel and it's terrible. I'm so sorry for you.

We need the Lafayette and Pam show, pre-vampire Tara as a special guest.

Oh man, valerian is so hit or miss for me. I either have a wonderful perfect night's sleep or all of the shadows are GOING TO GET ME OMG DID THAT JUST MOVE THE CAT IS A VAMPIRE.

My mom has a Whoa Black Betty Bam-A-Lam too (and that's how the vet sends reminder cards)! Only, her Betty is a cat. And pretty bitchy, she wouldn't help a crying kid.

My brain added a "m'lady" at the end of each of his texts.

You do have a right to choose your own waffle iron.

Except the red-suited, red-cheeked, jolly elf we know and love was invented to sell more Coca-Cola?

Davey Detail. Really? My eyes just rolled under the desk.

Exactly! Anyone that looks down on women that have C sections can just go fuck themselves.

I noticed that Jaden Smith and a lot of tumblr-ish type guys make the same face. Wrinkled brow, raised eyebrows, open mouth. Do they think they look sexy or caring or sensitive or something? Dude, you're gonna have the wrinkles of a shar-pei puppy by the time you hit 30.

My friends have the weirdest looking kid. He's like a mix between Megamind and Adult Haley Joel Osment, little features on the biggest, squarest head I have ever seen.

Y'all I used to be a flusher. But then I had to drop 10k (that I didn't have, who has that?) to replace my sewer line two weeks ago. Mostly because of tree roots and old clay pipes, but I got one helluva tongue lashing from the guy in charge of the operation because the tampons didn't help.

Nonono, the tea party cannot have this. It was done by soomo publishing and it is magic and supposed to be educational. Those are the "founding fathers" and it is full of awesome little tidbits like Thomas Jefferson played the violin and S D on Rockstar Ben Franklin (Silence Dogood, one of his pen names).

My mom's cat, Sleaze (the name fit), used to insist that she use blush on his kitty cheeks every day. He loved the brush over his whiskers.

I bet she's wearing her comfiest shoes.

My mother too! And she cannot EVER sit through a movie. We'll go over to watch something and she gets up to do the dishes, sweep the floor, fold laundry, knit a cat-hair sweater, whatever and come back with "What happened? Who's that guy? Why are they doing that?" SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP FOR 90 MINUTES OH MY GOD.
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