I can't see SCOTUS without thinking scrotum...

False. Dude on the right can totally toss my caber.

nope, the numbers say differently:

I've been hearing this for 20 years, and the numbers don't back it up:

HOW THE FUCK BIG WAS THIS CAT??? I'M ONLY 5'2, AND MY 60 LB DOG COMES UP TO JUST PAST MY KNEES. I THINK THAT WAS A TIGER.

Hmm. There's a men's sport that seems to eat up all the scholarships, but I can't remember exactly what it is. It involves some sort of oblong ball, right? I also recall that it involves what appears to be a man giving another man a reacharound, at least 100 times a game.

That's awesome. Kudos to the camera guy for keeping his own reaction inaudible.

Sure, those same people would have their heart explode as the rounded 2nd base on a hit. Dudes overweight, sure, but he is also in much better physical shape than the average person. And that, to me, is fitness. It's that old "Skinny Fat" thing.

I just had to say, as a former fat kid athlete...this article was really well written. Very nicely done.

"Like, since when are you "fans" of a nation? You're either fucking Dutch, or Germany, or Brazilian or fucking Gabonian or you aren't."

This is why people hate soccer fans. What, you don't want casual fans being introduced to your sport to pick a rooting interest in the exciting, most-watched sport playoffs in the…

I've run into so so many people since Tuesday who are big Germany fans now, because practically every white person in the US is a little bit German. No actual ties to Germany or anything, but at most some vaguely German sounding last name.

Why should there be a reason? It's football.

If Messi had only scored, say, one goal, and Argentina is still in the Final, is anybody calling this "the tournament that solidifies Lionel Messi's place as the greatest soccer player of all time"?

A better solution would be to make a USMNT that's exclusively German.

oh so Deadspin DOES realize this match occurred

I don't really get the point of this article. Just to be contrarian to all the other writers you listed? It's pretty clear starting on the 2nd goal that the Brazilian team was just not there, couldn't take a punch and already giving up. Maicon "failed to track his man" but come on, he gave up quick. He had a chance to…

:) Germany crushed us but Argentina has always been our enemy. (Not mine, but er.... that's what people think here lol)

Before the match people rooted a lot for Germany, I'd say it was the most rooted team (after Brazil, of course). Nobody likes Argentina, and I'm sure argentinos are so happy right now that many brazilians will root for Germany, just to destroy their happiness :)

I'm pretty sure they all hate Argentina with a passion, so I assume Germany. Could be wrong though.

Oh noes, because they have big asses and tits they MUST be referencing black people. Wait, who is the racist here?