Shouldn't there be an element of geography to show what's ripe locally? The only one I found was for tomatoes separated into Mexico, Florida, and California.

If you have to use a calculator for 10%, please just stay indoors and spare the rest of us from the possibility of having to interact with you

If you need your phone to help you calculate 10%, you have no business having ANY money to spend.

Years ago I worked at the 2nd busiest Denny's in California on the graveyard shift. This homeless guy would come in the middle of the night, eat quietly and leave. One night, it was just me, one other waitress, and the cook, a tall skinny biker guy. I was out on the floor when I heard the homeless guy pounding on…

There are a number of bad ideas here (sending unsolicited email attachments? Ew.) but the most egregious is doing work on spec. The Graphic Artists Guild, among other professional organizations, strongly advise against doing this when it's requested by clients or potential clients... to do it as a completely cold…

Put your right ankle in and put your right ankle out,

Your bank is your friend.

There is a simple way to banish telemarketers forever:

"Thanks for calling Om Nom Pizza and Subs, please hold."

Google Voice has this feature, and is available for pretty much every phone, including your land line.

I saw the same thing at a recent trial I was called to jury duty. Is that a verb? One guy said he was the only employed person in his family and he was on a wage so he wasn't going to get paid and didn't know how his family was going to eat. The judge said "I'm sure you'll find a way." Then another woman broke…

Why? Being biased or racist is not illegal. If it was half of the south would be in jail.

Another thing you can do with the square, flat disposable containers is this:

maybe the test is to see how long people would wait on that page?

So you lie to them. That seems like a solid foundation for future communication.

Which is all well and good, but speaking as a former child, I think I need to be protected from self-incrimination. Where's the Miranda warning when you really need it?

The movie is The Break-up

Thank you for the insane laughter that this prompted.
Best comment evar.

Sorry, but I can't get behind false choices. I would rather prefer the straight up "do the dishes, please"

There is a fine line though between expecting someone to read your mind and expecting a modicum of consideration from them.

If you're puking your guts out and are also trying to take care of an infant, and your…

I can't speak for everyone I suppose, but "Do you want to help me with the dishes?" doesn't give me any illusion of choice. You even say yourself "no"=asshole, so it's not like there's really any option being given.