I wish you were around when I was 12. My grandfather died and left me the Minnesota Twins. I didn’t like where things were going so I decided to manage the team myself. What a story that would have been, 12 year old manager brings in 13 year old reliever!

At what point will this pass far enough overhead that I can confuse him with Josh Freeman?

He misread and thought he was supposed to be getting ready for erection day.

Should have gone with a really young team with future stars:

Lower skills. Lower ceiling.

It’s not that weird when you consider that he’s a bitch.

Phoniest redemption narrative

But they don’t own Jose Jormp-Jomp, do they?

Comedian: “..and I say to him, ‘Put that thing back in the box!’.”

UPDATE: The Browns have now traded all those Eagles picks to the Panthers. The Panthers have given a confused “Thank you” in return.

Millennials won’t remember, but Dinosaurs used to wear flannel and SOAP was something you’d wear on your feet.

This makes me [sic]

Heath has been my favorite USWNT player for some time, and especially after her elastico against Mexico last year.

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.

Step 1. Don’t.

St Peter was actually quite nice until a string of devastating tornadoes in 1998 that basically leveled the entire town, save parts of Gustavus.

Can’t stop watching this for some reason.

Dorsey: Coach isn’t a big fan of Owen Wilson/Kate Hudson films anymore.

on the one hand you’re correct but on the other hand this is you rn

Whoa, where is this league that allows triple digits like that? 300 and 138 alongside 10 and 23?