Fucking idiots. Everyone from St. Louis knows that rules aren't supposed to be written.

ooh...thanks. next time I will probably still not read carefully

He's going to rebuild his house, brick by brick.

Unfortunately for T.C. Bear, this stunt is merely a prelude to four months of choking.

"Anyone know any good jokes about an Indian kid going to Auburn?"

We laugh now, but see what happens when nobody believes a little girl's story that she was chased by a "spaghetti-faced man with green ears" through the south Louisiana woods.

With a headline like that, how is Aaron Gleeman not mentioned?

Snark aside, I'll do you the favor of explaining why this joke actually does work, in a language that you can understand: alsjdfpua jwep asjsup gowarlds asjioufsa sdalkf's pfffffffffffffffffffrt .

I asked for the same thing, but my mom was too much of a moralist.

Schaffer wasn't even supposed to be there today.

"You know what, I've ready too many books about autism."

Oh please, watch me play the world's smallest violin.

LeBron would have come back after a week.

My apologies for the low quality.

"I wouldn't recommend it." —Onan

FINNISH HER!

Bravo for such a gripping story this Monday morning

...Underachieving sideshow

This thing is broken. I selected a Pumpkin Ale and it didn't even suggest that I try cutting out my tongue and flushing it down the toilet.

If he isn't drafted, chalk it up to the NFL's non-prophet status.