ESPN has almost everything it wants; Fox, NBC, and the Time Warner properties merely scrabble over the remnants.

Sculptor: [Sets out to build Mount Rusmore of Specious Analogy]

It's nice to finally see the wife of a Raven drag their husband into something for once.

This is really going to hurt the brand of those sex offenders.

They will move to Chicago, and whenever they need more money from Chicago, they will threaten to move to Los Angeles.

Yea, I know what you mean. Check out this comment. It's just a re-working of this comment.

To be fair, the decay rate of radiocarbon is logarithmic and Carlos Boozer's career has not been dead long enough to register on that scale.

It's only boring to someone who doesn't know anything about SEC football, Tom. Obviously, dummy, that "snoring" is the sound of an NCAA compliance officer at work.

if only there was a medium by which someone could summarize all of this into a clear and concise format for us to read and digest.

At least he'll finally be compared to Michael Jordan.

Don't worry. He'll be back once the playoffs are over.

UEFA: "It will be okay for Russian football teams and Ukrainian football teams to be pitted against one another despite the current situation."
Plane: [goes down]
UEFA: "Okay, okay. Wow. Russian and Ukrainian football teams will not be permitted to play against each other."
Plane: [gets back up; is totally fine]

Too long and boring? Why, that sounds like something my wife—

How embarrassing it must be to have your mugshot posted online — having already been arrested — only to find out that you look like Dan LeBatard.

[wags]

Snyder's PR gaffe continued when he said the park would be dedicated to the legendary Indian skater Tony Hawk.

I saw them open for Toad the Wet Sprocket once. Wasn't impressed.

Phone rings