@Steve U: And have you ever heard Frank Caliendo's "John Madden after testicular torsion"? HI-larious.

Sean Salisbury and Clint Eastwood are similar only in their degrees of NFL success.

"Brooke, sweetheart, can you move a few steps to your left? You're blocking Rex Ryan."

Yes, she even popped by the Deadspin office last March to discuss the possibility of her posing for the recently derailed "DeadSWIM" issue.

I just realized how desensitized I've become to poop stories when I read "So when finished, he... bare-handed his shit log," and didn't really bat an eye at how fucking disgusting that is.

And you all laughed when I refused to throw out my Zubaz...

"The 250 word limit kinda sucks. I had written a beautiful 178-word piece, but don't know what to do with it now." — age 37, Seattle, WA.

Are you going to let those Bolsheviks have a 7-inch height advantage at center and power forward?

Randy Moss stubbed his toe getting out of bed and he wants to know where his news story is.

@thedreadpirate: Just to make his point clear, Belichick covertly stole the other driver's stop sign.

I found Deadspin because law school classes were fucking boring. Got approved somehow, got a star back when they were handed out like Halloween candy, lost it in the Great Purge the First (but didn't post poetry or song lyrics, thank God), then got my star back for sending Craggs a wildly stupid MS Paint of LeBron…

@Delonte, Interrupted: That's about as well as it can be explained. It was a time and place thing that was so ridiculous it floored everyone, and the people that love it love it for that.

It's Ryan Zimmerman. Quality player. Parents should be proud. Haircut you can set your watch to.

@sir_pantsalot: I'd enjoy the opportunity to chat with Kige, for sure. It's just that Mariotti gives me douche chills and Salisbury is better seen and not heard... wait, no, better neither seen nor heard. And definitely not seen.

@sir_pantsalot: $50.

This was a perfect storm. Mariotti probably would have been elected anyway, then he goes and beats on his girlfriend and gets voted in in a landslide. Just goes to show you, Bert Blyleven, it's never too late to come back and throw a no-hitter or two.

@Delonte, Interrupted: Oh my God, where everybody was writing poems and shit? I was one of the original destarred, and even I thought that was way over the top. That whole controversy aged really poorly.

After seeing that last photo, I would happily pay upwards of 200 pounds for two lit Marlboro reds to jam in my eyes.

switch from your deadbeat team and love your Green Bay Packers!

@Lionel Osbourne: True, maybe CPSL was so consumed by being an overdramatic nancy that he forgot to eat.