Because the only white people who drive Lincolns in 2017 are serial killers and Matthew McConaughey.

“When all them white people rolled up in black Lincoln Town Cars. Because the only white people who drive Lincolns in 2017 are serial killers and Matthew McConaughey”

Definitely something suspicious here:

“When Rose invites Chris to spend a weekend with her family. Because any invitation to spend an entire weekend with a bunch of new white people is obviously a set-up. (The optimal period of time to spend with a bunch of new white people, by the way? 121 minutes. Basically, exactly as long as the movie Crash.)“…

I only trust N.W.H

They always had Golden Tate, poor thing.

A friend of a friend works in television, and has said as much. They said that Melania hates Donald and that Donald regularly cheats on Melania, but with her consent as she does not want his leathery member anywhere near her. Take it with a grain of salt—this is third-hand, after all—but their body language is all the…

I don’t think she expected him to live this long. She probably thought she’d be a wealthy widow by now, with Barron ensuring she’d get the bulk of the estate

Like trying to grasp a knot of limp, off brand cocktail weenies.

I have a personal theory too that she is a deep cover Putin agent who was sent to keep tabs on Donald Trump and groom him to be President. Sounds far-fetched, I know, but it makes one great spy story.

Michelle has the classic “just got a Christmas toy from Walgreens” look.

Opens Tiffany box under sofa, finds Tiffany Trump. Dies even more.

Yes. It’s always happy hour somewhere.

She married him for his money. I think we all know this - even Trump fans admit this. Hell, she half-joked about it herself on The View. She doesn’t love him. Her end of the marriage deal is to stay attractive and obedient. She probably does know all about his infidelity and doesn’t care, cause it keeps him off her. I’…

Switching from hourly to full-time can be tough.

I would LOVE an inauguration gift of Hot Takis, even if it did come in that fugly turquoise box!

This made me snort. The idea of “oh shit, I’m meeting the Obamas and I haven’t bought a gift. Better stop at the bodega on my way. hmmm...they would like Hot Takis, right? Everyone likes those. Ok, done.”

They straight up live next door to Tiffany’s. This is the equivalent of me handing Barack a gift from my bodega.

If there was any justice in this world, it would have been Trump’s tax returns in that box.

Stop calling her a Jackie Kennedy wanna- be. She’s clearly a Carla Bruni knock-off.