The thing I remember most about those early lessons were nurses putting the fear of God into us about tampons causing TSS. I went home and asked my mom if I should get a medic alert bracelet to wear during my period in case I collapsed while wearing a tampon.

God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry anyone even told your grandma in the first place that you were on bcps. Why did she need to know??

This is so offensive that it took me a moment to remember that it's also a totally nonsense claim. "HEY GIRL, I LOVE HOW YOUR ELBOWS ARE NOT RED AND FLAKY" is not a catcall that happens.

I didn't know before that that he had a brother, but I'm SO glad they made him a part of it. It's probably really hard to grow up with a critically ill sibling, for any number of reasons. So awesome of Make-a-Wish to take that into account, too (along with everything else!).

So—last month, and then again today, with, what—26, 27 outfits in-between? Isn't that EXACTLY "switching up outfits on the reg"?

It may just be that the new concept sounds a lot more slick to her—"true-crime enthusiast," "hospital administrator," etc.—whereas the original MSW was much more folksy, where she was a retired English teacher who just happened to stumble into great novel-writing success in her later years. (I know way, way too much…

What, your eyelids don't just naturally shed a dusty coating of smoky violet?

Yeah, it is a fairly conspicuous omission, that's true.

I don't read it so much as "be careful about going out in a pea coat, ladies!", as it is a story about how the police felt they could build a case in part based on the wearing of perfectly ordinary clothing that happens to be form-fitting...and how that's kind of alarming in a larger sense, because the NYPD and D.A.'s…

Yes, and since it therefore seems likely that this woman is or has been a prostitute, shouldn't the police be able to build a legitimate case against her—if indeed there was a legitimate case to build in this instance—without resorting to citing perfectly ordinary women's clothing as probable cause?

Ali MacGraw suffered mightily from this condition.

I know. I usually buy VF about twice a year, so generally speaking, there would be a 17% chance of me reading this. Thanks to her tantrum, there's now a 100% chance. This is so theatrical that it almost makes me wonder if she and VF conspired to help sell more copies of the issue.

What I have learned from those movies is that it's important to die when the light falling across one's sunken face is at its most golden.

Ooh, my grocery store doesn't have those! I think that if I had a company that pre-packaged and sold such things, I would call them "watermelon fingers."

Do you think by "cuts," he means slices or chunks? I must know.

I know, I was pretty worried about Imaginary Girlfriend. Maybe she has the Magical Movie Disease, wherein her inevitable death will be made even more poignant by the fact that it strikes her right in the prime of her delicate beauty?

Get back to your office and turn that shit off!

Yeah, that other comment so trollish that it annoys me more than offends me—there's not even any effort put into it, just "what's the most dumb and appalling way to look at this situation?" Lazy trolling is the worst of all trolling.

I like how she's so into Halloween that she even got age makeup on her LEGS. That's commitment. I'm kind of indifferent to Heidi Klum in general and largely dislike Halloween, but her commitment to the holiday is really charming.

How much are partially-filled Hale & Hearty stamp cards worth? Because I imagine I have at least $700 worth of those knocking around my bag.