There are no real names for it because "basin of horror" wouldn't sell.

When my mom started chemo (fun conversation starter!) the lady who made her wigs gave her some brush-on product that was supposed to help her preserve her eyebrows. I don't remember what it's called, but I bet you can get it pretty readily at wig stores.

I'll never forget the first time I tasted awful, awful Cincinnati chili. I was on a long and lonely stretch of work travel, mostly by car, and saw a sign for Skyline Chili as I neared Cincinnati. "Chili!" I thought. "That sounds PERFECT. It's so cold out, and I'm so overworked and gloomy. A nice bowl of chili will…

I gained a bunch of water weight once from a medicine I was taking, and that really was the best part—the speedy, miraculous, pee-driven weight loss as soon as I stopped the medicine.

And who didn't helplessly gain huge amounts of water weight, because: great genetic luck.

"He PROMISED he would bomb Syria! And then he DIDN'T!! WHERE ARE MY BOMBS? I WANTED MY BOMBS!!"

I agree that a man who gets all proprietary and insistent about his wife-to-be changing her name is probably not a good mate. But at the same time, and speaking as someone who did change her name when she got married: fuck you a little bit, I will do whatever I damn well please with my name.

Also: nice guys have a very good chance of winding up with nice girls. But he of course doesn't just want a nice girl, he wants a hot girl. And evidently defines nice-but-not-hot as "finishing last." Which is further proof he's not nice, with or without the app.

But do people rub up against her on the train? I'm not paying $110 for a few catcalls; I demand frottage.

My, my. Awfully free with the comparisons, isn't he, for someone who has spent his entire adult life attempting to create his own personal Aryan race?

THANK YOU. And also, a little bit shut up to whomever actually said to her (if that indeed really happened) that they believed in marriage and the John Edwards affair just ruined all of that. If your belief in marriage itself is so simultaneously rigid and fragile that weeniepants John Edwards could ruin everything,…

Wait, wait, wait—isn't that package of chicken still factory-shrinkwrapped? Everyone needs to just relax, here. Foodborne bacteria is pernicious, but it's not magical. Factory-sealed packages of chicken should not be covered in chicken juice. The bigger issue here is that strawberries are out of season.

Arguing with an anti-carb zealot is like one of those "getting involved in a land war with Russia" things.

Yes, THAT was the part that really got to me. This is not the person in whose hands you want to leave your event planning, I think.

This seems like such a weird argument to me. Not as it applies to her, just in general. It sort of discounts the whole value of performance itself in performed comedy. Someone without any comedic talent at all isn't going to be able to make even great writing work, ever.

Completely disagree with your last point. It's the words of funny people given voice by the performance of a funny person. Two different ways of being funny. Some people can do both, but only doing one doesn't mean she's not legitimately funny.

Kate Moss got a ton of flak for that, but it's been a popular slogan in Weight Watchers for a long time. (probably elsewhere, too.)

This is SO GREAT! I bet it's nice for the window washers, too—people are probably usually indifferent to and/or slightly annoyed by their presence—what a great thing to see a little face light up in every window.

That's an interesting question. I'm not sure. The first idea ("as long as she's happy and healthy") has to do with keeping tabs on her personal status, while the second idea has to do with a public act (commercial endorsement). I think you could make a solid argument either way.

She's hilarious, for sure. Are she and Matt Lucas still roommates? I love thinking about what it must be like to live there (in spite of having just said her personal life is not my business).