Where the fuck are the regular Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?

You are wrong about Pieces being better than Peanut Butter M&M’s because chocolate, and I hope you die in a fire.

Thanksgiving sucks in my house because my wife won’t let me cook turkey. I feel your pain.

I’m a total jackass. I’m so retarded.

She’s really not. And I’m definitely not, and would never allow that. I worked as a server at TGI Fridays in college. We never even asked for a comp. She just wanted a chicken free salad, so that she didn’t double over vomiting after accidentally putting chicken in her mouth.

IKR? She’s what I like to call a “militant vegetarian.”

Because I was telling a story about how I got my wife to stop overreacting and then tipped really well. Aren’t I awesome?

No, I was saying that most of the people who say they have an allergy to a thing actually don’t.

You missed it buddy. It was sarcasm.

Indeed, which is why I told her to wait, and they fixed it, all all was right with the world, and god smiled.

I wasn’t trying to make her sound like a good person. My reaction to her was the same as yours. She was being ridiculous, which is why I told her to wait.

Which is why I told her to wait. My reaction to her was facepalm.

Someone got it!

It was hyperbole for the sake of argument. People are allergic to the sun.

I understand and appreciate your allergy. I was trying to be funny. I knew chicken allergies were a real allergy. I was poking fun at the people in these stories who are allergic to crunchy.

Because the allergy comment was a joke, because people are always complaining about their allergies in these stories.

The sight of chicken makes her nauseated. It’s just a strong aversion. Plus, the salad was tossed in such a way that the chicken juice or whatever was all over the salad.

But Chik-fil-a nuggets tho

Humblebrag time.