And welcome to Deadspin's new series: Is it hair plugs, or a dick?

Sonicare HX5600

Sonicare HX5600

Kaepernick out Roethlisbergered Ben Roethlisberger.

The guy in the first video was clearly about to jizz in his pants.

I will probably be lambasted for saying this, but it looks like they rammed a Cayman into an Astin Martin.

FWIW you can't get away with saying 'Skins instead of Redskins. That's like casually referring to a group of black people as the 'Iggers. Nice try though.

Kirin Icihiban. Number 1!

I drove around a parking lot with my friend on the hood of my '88 Integra. Not so bad, until you consider that the parking lot also housed a sherrif's substation. And it was shift change. Thankfully we were both minors and got off with community service, but reckless endangerment and reckless driving are not small…

GMA only became cosmopolitan after Charlie Rose. Before that it had a horrible reputation. The TV equivalent of clickbait.

I'm ALL about that bass.

The world's worst people? Really? Ignorant, maybe. Insensitive, definitely. But the worst actual people in the world? I can think of a few worse than these yahoos.

I was standing on Hollywood Blvd, with my then fiance, watching the annual Thanksgiving/Christmas parade. We'd been standing there for hours, and I had to dump. Not like ordinary dump, I knew it was liquid gold. Her apartment was only a few blocks, and there were no public toilets...everything was closed. It was…

Please forgive my pedantry, but "An Frequently Asked Question"??

wHAT IN GOD'S NAME WERE YOU DOING TO THE KNIFE THAT IT CAME APART? I"ve had a set of these for more than 10 years and they are perfect.

wHAT IN GOD'S NAME WERE YOU DOING TO THE KNIFE THAT IT CAME APART? I"ve had a set of these for more than 10 years…

I really thought this was going to be a different kind of story, not just mistaking for pee. I, for one, am disappointed.

It's a dick.

I imagined this is what sex with Joan Rivers was like.

With the kid in the car too? Put a lid on it.

Baby bear, baby bear, what do you see? I see a flag pole waving at me.

Now I'd never hit a woman, but I'd shake the shit out of one...especially her.