We would catch two male blue crabs and dig a hole akin to a gladiator coliseum. Put the males in the hole, which was too big for them to crawl out, and place your bets, boys. MMA crustacean style. When the battle had finished, you popped them in the pot with the others. You should only eat male blue crabs. Throw the…

It’s basically the outcome of lots of acid and concatenating The Dark Trilogy albums. It was the peak for Smith. Nothing else has been nearly as good. Great band live, but, fuck me, I saw them for $5 in 1983 and $35 in 1990 and I am not paying 7x more to see them now.

I’ve spent a good deal of time in England and my colleagues there explained it me as such: “Most people just don’t care about the Royals. The institution is merely a tourist attraction. The people who do care are either fascists, dimwits, or both. There’s also the upper class folks who use the Royal Family as a…

I nailed the Jubilee race for a cool grand. From my couch. Wearing pajamas.

Would not HOON. Would drive with pride. Slowly.

Gym: Shorts with canoes. I keep them for a year. Underwear: My wife throws them away and buys new. I never know when or by what criteria they go.

You never have to worry about parts for MB. Every car they have ever made has full parts support forever. Seriously. Here’s the trick: You have to be Warren Buffett to afford the parts. Are you Warren Buffett?

To die by his side would be a heavenly way to die.

Fuck horse. Get a cheap lease on a douchecanoe.

And could probably GM the Knicks better as well.

Can I have a child with you?

You are a MB-Certified, trained-in-Deutschland shade tree mechanic with all of the diagnostic gear, special tools, and a bottomless pit of cash? Can I be your friend?

You can’t fucking kill them.

Late to the game here. I was a philosophy major in college. And I won 4 days straight on Jeopardy! in the early 2000s. And I make more money that you.

He’s gritty and he hustles.

How can I convince my wife that Chicken Tikka Masala IS NOT A FUCKING INDIAN DISH. It is British. Just because it has curry and shit in it, doesn’t make it Indian. 

Take a star you bastard.

Oceania has always been at war with East Asia.

I am tempted to call Child Protective Services every time I see someone hauling kids in a GM minivan of this vintage.

I drove a Bolt the other day as the dealer had one on the lot. I hate GM, but that is a fucking fine car even if it has electrons coming out the tail pipe. I couldn’t believe the fit and finish.