I had just put the finishing touches on a cafe’d Honda 350 supersport. I was blasting across a bridge when a woman pulled out in front of me. I dropped the bike and slid on my gloves, ass, and boots right up to the door of her car. The bike hit just to my right. I had my leathers on so I had rash on my exposed wrists,…

NB. The Coriolis effect is unnoticeable at the scale of a baseball as well as scale of the intellect of most Australians.

I know three-legged dogs with the clap that are better at what this asshole does: helicopter explosive diarrhea mixed with the English language and thinly-veiled cock worship. Between him and Skip Bayless, all of ESPN should just choke on its collective fucking tongue.

There was nothing like watching him cover the bears in ‘85. He used the telestrater in a game to circle not just The Fridge, but the dude’s mom in the stands. The ensuing play was a fumble recovery by Singletary after a hit by Dent or something to that effect. William Perry was flopping around on the ground like the…

Greenberg. Sorry I was typing on my phone or some other asinine excuse. Fuck him with a deep dish pizza.

Summerall never bothered me, but the game left Madden behind about 10 minutes after he stopped coaching. He truly had no idea what the fuck was going on and his analysis was just cartoonish.

Insufferable underdog->powerhouse? It’s gotta be Northwestern. There is nothing worse than listening to Mike Green jack off over a Northwestern win. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No wait. Where did Colin Cowherd go to school? Oh, never mind.

There’s lots of tits and ass. Even Thelma.

Cue the dumb fucking idea that each of the characters represents one of the Five Colleges. Smith is Thelma (lesbians). Mt Holyoke is the blond chick (hot and stupid). Ken or Rick or whatever the fuck his name is: Amherst (Preppy assholes who go to school there because they think they are going to be the next David…

UCONN is a safety school for Holy Cross.

You realize Rutgers is a top 100 World University ranked ahead of all of the other Big Ten schools? It's just behind Durham and just ahead of Paris 13.

I plan on handling it the same way as I have for many years: Very, very stoned.

I am willing to bet that Scott is some sort of traditionalist asshole who thinks “You just haven’t earned it yet, baby.” when it comes to rookies. Keeping D’Angelo Russell off the court is a crime against the Lakers fans (who usually deserve everything they get).

Please. Continue.

It’s been a while but Magary got to shit on the Garden State this week. You fuckin’ mook. You ain’t man enough to admit that you went to Colby College. IT’S NAMED AFTER CHEESE THAT ISN’T MAN ENOUGH TO BE ON A WAWA SHORTI! I can’t believe you didn’t work in a “Schiano Man” dig or bust on Rutgers. I think the whole…

With Snapchat and FLEEK out there, how the hell is anything like this supposed to be controlled. Download FLEEK and watch your local undergrads commit sex acts, arson, and other random felonies to your hearts content.

It may seem stupid, but send non-qualifying FBC teams to the bowls (and/or D2 and D3 teams). The playoffs are usually filled with teams at 10-0 or 10-1 in those divisions. Plenty of schools have great seasons at 9-1 and 9-2 and see their seasons end. Bowl them.

Stallone was great in the first “Rocky,” but the film I think shows that he actually had chops was “First Blood.” Forget about the stupid sequels, Stallone’s John Rambo was an emotional train wreck with a life torn by violence trying to find peace with himself and others. The scene where the Colonel confronts him in…

Sorry. Belichick is an asshole, but he’s not malevolent. He’s trolling too. Big time.

The 911 slide job on the Focus deserves an ass kicking in the pits. Not cool.