Straight-edge would be a dealbreaker for me. I like to drink and fornicate.

Yup. There should be a revised version of the song that teaches us how the fuck we can forget our old acquaintances when we are constantly assaulted by #blessed status updates and pictures of children doing boring things.

Unsolicited sexts are the worst. Make sure its consensual sexting or I will just start sending back lines from the Iliad.

He named his children after two people who were fucking each other?

Snap Poll!

What were the colors?

My guess: He wanted ivory and slate. She wanted bone white and blood red . . . .

Heh heh heh.

BREATHTAKING!

"There is no room for ego."

Dear Heath,

I posses none of the qualities that you require.

I am lazy, thoughtless, self-absorbed, forgetful, and ... well ... I'm just plain awful.

On the bright side, my egregious faults and self-obsession will make your own ego seem insignificant by comparison. You will be on the receiving end of many "pity…

The Blaze—Glenn Beck's website— published a post about this, entitled (of course) Why is Jon Stewart Attacking Megyn Kelly? The comments are delightful.

Yeah, I agree. I have a friend who is the first Indian-American woman (and only the 15th woman) to command a capital ship. She was also She is the first female commander of an American naval ship to visit India. You can bet they made a big deal of her when she showed up. I am so proud of her and she has always been…

I work in Manhattan, not too far from the Fox News studios, and I'm pretty sure Megyn Kelly's head just exploded.

Oh, so now the elves are Black too?

Is this hair? Is this a hat? A hair hat perhaps? I'm confused.

That's a bunch of celebrities I had no clue are celebrities

At least they did the moral thing and got married.

People need to slow their roll. This national Beyonce obsession is getting out of control.

As an Asian American originally from the Bay, I can attest. Black Women and Asian Men are allies.

Coming in 2014: Taylor Swift as Maria in West Side Story.