I'd probably make her head explode. I'm an atheist who celebrates the FUCK outta Christmas. I LOVE it. Just not the, you know, religious aspects. But peace on earth, goodwill toward men? That's a notion I can totally get behind.

This may or may not seem strange, but I am so happy to see hair.

Are you guys seriously going to make me the lone asshole to admit that you'd tap this?

Just look, he's so charming!

Def Flynn Rider, though I don't feel bad about that at all.

Prince Eric is pretty cute.

Playing with your dolls again?

I'm bisexual. Fucking nobody buys it as a legit orientation. You're either experimenting, looking for attention, or in denial. Queer and straight communities. I generally keep it to myself because I'm sick of hearing it.

I'm totally this person, but even worse....

Safe, sane and consensual. If it's all these things, and both people are over the age of consent, what's it to you?

Ugh, this article is giving me flashbacks. I had breasts and pubic hair by 8. I was also lucky enough to start my period a couple weeks before my 10th birthday! I'm praying super hard for an early menopause as a trade-off.

Are you thinking of Jeremy and Ira?

Meh, all this nudity is pretty fucking boring. I know what naked ladies look like. When I look at pop stars I want to see them in fabulous fucking outfits.

Yes, a new, wholesome inspiration for us all.

Australian Shepherds are the actual shit. That is all.

And they say cheerleaders aren't athletes.

My husband has an ileostomy bag (colon cancer survivor). Our son was delivered via c-section. One night, right after our son was born, his bag exploded and my incision ruptured, so we had a big 'ol shit-and-blood mess in our bed. BEAT THAT, NERDS!

BUT THE PRESIDENT IS BLACK. WHY CAN'T YOU SEE HOW BLACK THE PRESIDENT IS?

I am beginning to suspect all the white people who said racism was Over (tm) might not have been speaking from knowledge.

Multiple feels here. As a black person, I know the feeling all too well of entering a store & being followed around by clerks wondering if I'm actually going to buy or just steal something. Racial profiling is disgusting & unfair, and it makes me too angry to put into words.