When I moved in with Sensible Shoes, our first six months of co-habitating was spent trying to hide I was, you know, human. I held in farts, hid my tampons and pads, and would always turn the shower on when I had to drop a deuce. As the half-way mark of our first year drew near, I ended up coming down with a wicked…

I did this about four years ago. It took me a long time to get the syringe to stick properly out of my chest. I smeared "blood" all down my nose and around my mouth and used powdered sugar for the heroin remains. I almost won best costume, but got beat by some guy who decorated himself in hot dogs and carried around …

I love Halloween and try to always come up with something unusual as a costume. Three years ago, I went as a "Corporate Pirate", complete with my [insert brand name] polo and head-set , as well as a beaded scarf (as well as a sword) that I had "commandeered" from my mother’s wench garb. I went around at a party…

How I empathize with Boob-Shirt Girl. This totally used to be me and my boobs were kinda famous in my social circles for a while.

I'll skip the magazine and just have some actual food and wine. Like cupcakes and a nice glass of Pinot Blanc. Leave the bottle.

One of the reasons I wear makeup is to help hide some of the scarring I have on my face and arms. I was in a pretty nasty car accident in junior high and walked away with scars at my left temple and left side of my face. They've healed nicely, but I still feel self-conscious about it.

Seriously.

Oh snap! Do you work in my office? Because I swear this is what I deal with everyday. And I'm the front desk and these ladies talk so loud that I will be unable to to hear the person who is standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And when I ask them, veyr politely I might add, to please keep it down, they snark at me and then…

you know, I'm kind of over Madonna.

Whatever, I'm all about STO on Gemenon. That's the place to be for your biblical brainwashing.

I SEEN 'IM!

I'm such a flake, I shit snow.

Oh Taylor, I've been doing this since you were sperm in your dad's testes. You didn't invent it, I didn't invent it, and now, thanks to you, I'm never doing it again.

Avenue Q did it better.

Cats are gonna be cats. Which means your stuff is their stuff that they ever so generously allow you to use. And believe me, everything is a cat bed including you.

Laser pointers are a lot of fun. And they're good for cats' natural instincts to stalk and hunt. We have a long stick with a long strand of cloth which is also good.

The "Track joined the army to get out of drug charges" story has been the rumor in Wasilla for a while, that and all the Palin children were party animals. Willow got busted last year or the year before for breaking into a hillside (read: RICH) house to party, but the charges were dropped.

High-fived and hearted.

Damn you beat me to it.

I did. Nothing happened! I asked to speak to a supervisor and I was told that I was creating a disturbance and that I was going to be arrested if I didn't leave. So I left and when I got back from my trip, I tried to file a complaint and all I got was a lousy "apology" via the mail.