Ugh, I guess I have to turn in my Jezzie card...I got my AARP card last year. Well, mostly because they have a deal that if you sign up, your spouse gets a free membership, so I signed my husband up as well, thus blocking his ability to give me any shit for having an AARP card. Plus, he's the only 30-year-old on…

Newspaper squishing would have saved me a lot of grief sorting through the NOT loves of my life. Also an old Jezzie, slightly jaded.

Actually, I'm really not convinced of the entire concept of "love of your life." Really? Just one in the universe? Or maybe five, but four of them are on other continents and one of is an insect? And not a pretty insect like a cecropia moth, but a millipede.

I figure everyone meets the love of their life, but some people just don't see them for what they are - possibly too short, too fat, laughing too loudly or wearing the wrong shoes.

It's pronounced "fuh", which makes for some fascinating restaurant names. Take, for example, the Pho King Restaurant.

I know, I'm completely re-working my agenda for the week now. My acid-splashing must now change venue.

Actually, it's 56%, not 66%.

Actually, he's really close to Minnesota - essentially on the border. I think outside Hudson, WI. And hey - I OWN part of Aaron Rodgers now! <3 vanity stock offerings

Technically, he's in Wisconsin. You took our (faded) quarterback, don't take our Neil Gaiman. Look, a girl can dream, can't she?

With the emphasis on "throw".

Seriously? We're calling people "pigs" because of their chosen profession?

It splits into pieces, and they get shared between the various new countries. Once a month, they reunite into a full moon, for old time's sake.

*sniff* Are you SURE that last one isn't accurate?

My father used to tell us to eat *whatever* because it would put hair on our chests. To this day, I curse him every time I pull out the tweezers to do some nippular grooming.

I taught computer lessons (such as they were) to a woman who was in her 40s and still didn't understand that this isn't how fax machines work. She wanted to fax her resume from her telephone and asked me to tell her how to do it, and how they would know when it had arrived on the other end.

I wish I were being sarcastic. She just closed on her own house in a rather high-end suburb, adjacent to the high-end suburb their first (and now his) house is in. He insists they're working to keep the marriage together, while the kids bounce between houses.

"Orc" would have saved a lot of headline space.

"Orc" would have saved a lot of headline space.

My brother and his wife are evidently experimenting with separate houses in the same school district. I dunno, I just don't.

When I got divorced, my ex-husband flat-out refused to sign the final divorce papers unless I included a codicil stipulating that I give up our dog within a year of the divorce. Since it was a pro se divorce, and I REALLY wanted out, I really didn't have a choice.