"I went to a key party and all I got was this lousy Gremlin key."

I just turned 50 (FIFTY? WTF?!) in January and I signed up for AARP as soon as I could - because they offer a free membership to one's spouse. So now my husband is the only 30-year-old on the block with a legit AARP card.

There was also a restaurant near me that featured "ho-made pies." I always wanted to walk in and ask "Which one of you hos made this pie?" but felt it might not be well-received.

Second-best dog, because my pup looked just like him 8 or so years ago. Now he THINKS he looks like him, but is a little snowier around the muzzle.

Glad someone's night was made - I've been staring at my TV and shaking my head, watching my state legislature pass the "budget repair bill" with sleight of hand.

"send a clear message that cannot be twisted by the media, misinterpreted by politicians, or co-opted by Obama apologists"

My MIL is on this, as are a number of her co-workers...and they're all health care professionals. She acted surprised when I said I wouldn't dare consider such a plan without being under the strict supervision of a doctor.

Oh yes, now THIS is winning.

Tell them the best part about Siren, Wisconsin! Tell them the story about how it was devastated by a tornado because WHAT wasn't working? Tell them!

Chris Brown, thy name is Anathema, and I shall not share your side of the stage.

@OneBigPear: I have packet of that in my cabinet - saw it and couldn't resist. I'm that way.

Of course we love him - but seriously? A trailer for COMMERCIALS? Has it really come to this?

@oranges: WTF, seriously? You just characterized an entire state in one swooping, weak insult?

Accent? We have an accent?

Fillion added, "Hey, say hi to your mother for me."

My ex-husband refused to sign our divorce papers unless I agreed to give up our dog. He didn't want the dog - he just didn't want me to have it. Consequently, because I refused to return the dog to the Humane Society (where he would have been euthanized), I am now on the Humane Society shit list and cannot adopt…

Why is the sound always so muddy for the band? I love the Black Keys but the mix was awful.

@Whigmaleerie: First, all the fish died, but I didn't say anything because I'm not a fish...

@noteven: Eerily, mine decided to erupt this week after taking over a year off. I need an "old ladies" Jezebel to bitch about interrupted menopause on...

Holy crap, who knew there were so many Jezzies in Tosa!