You are one crazy-ass cat lady, Madam. I APPROVE!

Two elsas and Olaf!

When I’m on boring conference calls I go on Craigslist and click prohibited on all the breeders there. It doesn’t do much but at least it’s something.

She sounds like a drama queen. You did no wrong. But next time, answer “27.”

I always guess 10 years older than what I actually think, because only assholes ask that question.

I’ve noticed the number of women who think they look younger than they actually do is really high among my white acquaintances. And it’s also the ones who were always super tan and took zero care of their skin too. Maybe some kind of self-delusion to make themselves feel better?

I’ve heard some super bowl party stories before, but holy hell... that’s something.

28 is always the answer. How do you not know this?

NerdLuvr11: That nipple saved my life!

Comments like these make me smile bc I’m going to outlive you.

I’m not sure if it’s because of my family’s history, but I don’t find the bouncer idea weird at all. There was a family wedding where one family member demanded (it wasn’t a request, it was an order she fully expected to be followed) that the groom should uninvite his own mother because she didn’t like her. That…

My brother is literally the same person, lives with my parents, is on his 3rd child (to be born soon), doesn’t work, etc. We sure as fuck didn’t invite him to our wedding.

Nah, you don’t actually have to invite her, and the proof is right there in her ‘We’ll see about that’ response. You invite people to your wedding who are there to support you, on your day, as you embark upon the wonderful experience of having your relationship legally and religiously authorized and recognized. Her…

Wedding folx: no, you don’t *have* to invite her. She’s made it clear she has no desire to be respectful at YOUR wedding, and it is YOUR WEDDING, so disinvite that bish and carry on with your life.

Not only that, they should be on the hook for all the back taxes they should have paid while scamming the nation the whole time.

How about calling local media and saying “WE’RE OPEN IF ANYONE NEEDS SHELTER! PLEASE DIRECT PEOPLE TO COME HERE” Get on Twitter & FB and let people know.

There’s a woman I went to school with who posted a status update about a year ago that she had finally fulfilled her lifelong dream, one that she had nurtured throughout her childhood in an incredibly poor African country. That dream? To go to a service at Lakewood fucking Church. The top of my head blew clear off

I do not know how he finds so many people to fill up his giant church.

Bargain bin Benedict Cumberbatch ass