She clearly needs to spend less time cosplaying as the Doctor and more time learning how to ride a damn bike.

I always thought huge, gaping space between a person's thighs made them look bow-legged, but apparently that's what the kids today call "sexy".

I was going to comment "Who's that tiny asshole hitching a ride on the fucking casket?!"

I also think it's the songs. Which would explain why Elsa is more popular than Anna. Veronica Mars has a lovely voice but it doesn't come close to Adele Dazeem's.

Did you just unironically use the words "Alpha" and "Beta" to describe men?

C'mon, don't be disingenuous. It's not just about the age difference. It's the whole dump-your-long-time-love-for-some-woman-from-work-who's-half-your-age, typical male mid-life crisis bullshit.

That's a huge newborn.

Worst thing that ever happened to me was that I got vomited on by an extremely drunk man while on a greyhound bus. It was a during the night and thankfully I was using my windbreaker as a blanket and had it up to completely cover my face. He was walking up the aisle to go to the bathroom (which had a broken lock and…

Precisely what I came here to say. The dynamic of a woman catcalling a man will never be the same as a man catcalling a woman. There is no true equivalency there because it lacks the element of fear. Most men are simply not afraid of most woman. But a tall, obviously strong, large man? Noticeably larger than the…

What is this thing supposed to be? Spider egg explosion? Chest-burster aftermath? What?!

Jonathon Capehart has been my new favorite pundit every since he described Mitt Romney, while on his 2012 campaign tour through the American heartland, as looking like he was on safari in his own country.

Like I said - making shit up out of whole cloth.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you're just bad at reading comprehension.

Lady Gaga

Now that I'm in my early thirties, my parents have totally become enablers. They're the ones suggesting I mix up and pitcher of margaritas whenever I go over to their house or make mimosas for Sunday breakfast or join them on their casino trip. I love it!

My brother and I still quote this commercial, loudly, gleefully, and as often as possible. "You, alright! I learned it by watching you!"

I read this as... "people are getting fed up with it and all of the family members are defecating." I like my version better.

Talk about a Sophie's Choice.

Did she just vote in 10 Iraqi elections?

That case would be a real wiener.