Ah, fuck it. Yes! That's your answer! That's your answer to everything! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your revolution is over, Ms. Greene! Condolences! The bums lost! My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, madam! The bums will always lose, do you hear me, Greene? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!

I have to be honest, I would have had no idea that woman was a pothead until I found out she was unemployed.

Full disclosure: Proud Polish boy here, and I've heard all the jokes. But it's days like this that I simply don't understand how the good Polish people have the unearned reputation of folding against the blitz.

Witnesses told police they were horrified a fellow Tennessean would do that to a third grader

They should suspend him without pay.

Yeah, yeah. We get it, Jameis. That's going to happen regardless of what she says but part of the deal is you also not talking about it.

Maybe they're just mad because the terms of the Geneva Convention prevents governments from showing Mets games to captives.

When asked to elaborate on his reason for keeping his defensive lineman active, Harbaugh replied, "from what we've heard, flinching is not going to stop Ray McDonald."

To be fair, Jim Harbaugh is ALWAYS the asshole, no matter the situation.

The Vikings could always pull a switcharoo, which Adrian Peterson believes to be beating the hell out of a wallaby.

It just fucking sucks that this guy of all people is effectively punished with a short timeout.

RT @Ravens The child deeply regrets his role in the incident.

If it is negligence, let's be honest - it's really hard to care for a child all day.

Goodell: [carries food tray over to table]

King: This is delicious, Roger, really good chili.

You never see one of Roger's hands and Peter King in the same photo.

Listen, last month you overhauled your entire comment system to prevent people from posting stomach-churning images of overweight whores shoveling a bunch of diarrhea into their mouths, and now you're doing it yourselves? Make up your mind!

Instead, he's decided to quit football and focus on soccer in hopes of maybe being the next Jozy Altidore.

There is really only one suspendable offense in the NFL: embarrassing The League.

I'm seriously beginning to maybe consider dropping the NFL as my moral compass and ethical arbiter.