Good to see you have perspective.

Shit. Yes. It's me. And fuck Susan Reimer for stealing my idea.

"Adrian Peterson helped the Vikings pull out a miracle playoff run in 2012, but his failure to pull out of a sticky situation led to a lesser-known miracle. Adrian gets protection from the Vikings, but why not the Trojans?"

I avoid the arguments that involve making fun of an opposing team's fans because it's tired and overdone, but I almost have to rethink that when I see some Cubs fans treating this as if it's 9/11 (or if you're a Republican, Benghazi). Your life must not be that bad if your senses can't handle reliving Oct. 14, 2003.…

That Marchman stretched just as much as the other writers.

First, "a beautiful monument"? Who talks like this, guy? You sound like a Ken Burns documentary. Second, no, I don't consider it "beautiful" nor a monument to baseball. It's symbolically important to Cubs fans and people who write about baseball like it's still 1940, but nobody else really cares.

You called Wrigley Field a "beautiful monument of a stadium." You are self-mythologizing.

In the Pantheon of Underrated Deadspin Comments this ranks high.

Oh god speaking of wanking...I mean, you realize you're doing the exact same thing that obnoxious BFIBs do right? Do you not see the contradiction? Are you that far up your own ass?

The hell?

They would not miss Albert Pujols that badly when (based on his play the next year in his one minor-league season, and his player two years later in his first Ruthian MLB season) he was a finished product.

You are an idiot.

Isn't Mike Glennon only notable for being really tall?

They have to earn it like anyone else, and the Marlins and Rays don't seem to have done that.

That's really dumb, no offense. There are myriad reasons why the Rays don't draw fans - the product on the field is not one of them.

Contracted? No.

You must not pay attention to baseball.

Gee, hard to see how that would be misconstrued since you said the Rays have done nothing to earn support.

Yeah, it's too bad that Toronto thing never worked out.

Can't say I read too much HuffPo. Plus, that sounds really dated. I mean, I can see that being a good insult in maybe 2006, but if you're going bring it with some gusto, you probably shouldn't use such an outdated reference. At least go with something a little more contemporary if you're going to accuse me of being…