I once roomed with a friend over an summer internship, and on the first night her cats slowly, methodically clawed their way to my blow up mattresses destruction.

Too old to read these comments about how everyone is “too old” in their early fucking twenties.

I slept on an air mattress once when I was about 13 and it slowly deflated in the night, meaning I woke up lying on a flat piece of plastic. I’ve been suspicious of them ever since.

Totally. I’m looking for a new roommate right now (things I should be too old for but my mortgage won’t allow me to be) and I keep getting 21 year olds from the local university emailing me. No. If I wanted to live with a child, I would make one.

An ex invited me to a show she was DJing that began at 1 in the morning. As in, I would leave my house at 12am, and one hour after midnight IT WOULD START. Girl no, I am waaaaaaay to 30 for that shit.

Wow, I can’t believe some of the old fart responses from the 20-somethings here! You’re in your 20’s! You can go out on a work night, sleep for 3 hours and make in the next day on time and work through your hangover! You CAN sleep on the floor without being paralyzed the next day! This is the time you’re supposed to…

Crashing in a hotel room with multiple people I barely know to save money.

I’m 5 years older than my boyfriend and some of his friends are 5 years younger than him. That means nightly texts at 11pm that “everyone” is meeting at some shitty EDM bar and we totally have to come out!!1! No. NO. No no no no. It’s 11pm on a weeknight. I have to work in the morning. Go away, children.

I had a coworker ask me to dance at a Christmas party once and I gave him my best April Ludgate and said “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I DANCE? NO. It looks like I sit at home and smoke pot and listen to records.”

He laughed and bought me a beer and we talked about music all night.

And WOW I just got really, really sad because I…

oh my god i am 23 and just (re)discovered baths and wine in baths and weed in baths IT IS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO and i pretend i’m riri, blowing smoke rings out of a private pool in barbados

YAS. FUCK dancing.

pretending to enjoy going to clubs.
shitty music, douchey bros, overpriced drinks, and I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it’s perfectly okay that I don’t dance.
do. not. dance.

Giving a shit about my physical appearance.

Too old to pretend to be into loud electronica. Or any electronica.

I was excused from jury duty once for this very reason. The defendant walked into the courtroom before we heard any details of the case. I took one look at him and thought, “Child molester.” Turns out, that was exactly what he was being tried for.

4 and 6, 4 AND 6! that’s all i’ve got.

I will never ever ever understand how watching a 5 yr old be raped could be a turn on. Holy. fucking. shit. You sick piece of crap. And yes. Blaming his kids just drops the bar lower. Gross.

I saw the picture before I saw the headline and thought “child pornographer, for sure”. Nailed it.

I kept scrolling and it wouldn’t stop. Thought maybe I was dead and in purgatory.