Well, the wedding was held on Prince Edward Island (not joking). :-))

Give me whore tops or give me death.

"Jack Antonoff? But I hardly know Anton!" - my scumbag brain, every time

One thing I never understood about mermaids is that if the bottom half is a fish, then mermaids should swim with a side to side motion not a up and down motion which is how aquatic mammals swim.

i'm not even a little bit interested in being oppressed by your religion. been there, done that. i know what it's all about. the really dumb and imperfect thing doesn't sell me either, so i'd start leaving that out of your sales pitch. have a great weekend.

"The uncanny valley" is probably how he thinks of his wife's vagina.

My thinking is, the ripping into tiny pieces allowed for very, very detailed viewing of the magazine. Just chucking it in the garbage would have meant only seeing the cover.

My sister was born fuzzy, too! I thought it was adorable, frankly.

Hmmm...

Deliberate ignorance, chatty variety. I can deal with a guy who doesn't know something and is willing (eager, even) to learn about it. But I can't stand a guy who knows nothing about a subject and yet loves to expound on it.

Classless people who don't understand that weddings are to make money for the future. Fuck.

But what if the sister only got them a gift basket?! Or worse—100$?!

Yes. Ugh. That moment when you're flirting with a cute stranger, and he asks you what you do, and you say you're a biologist, and he gives you a funny look and says "well...you don't actually believe that evolution stuff, do you?"

List time.

I can actually identify the exact moment when I killed a guy's crush on me. He was into it and he was cute. He would always try to strike up flirty conversations with me and (although incredibly socially awkward) I would try to flirt back. One afternoon he asked me what I did that day. I had found a dead turtle…

Everyone else is giving pithy answers but I will just say: If you really like Family Guy, we are done. If you like Led Zeppelin, we are DOUBLE DONE. And if you wear Axe body spray or use any Axe product whatsoever, we are DONE INFINITY TIMES INFINITY.

Chuck Palahniuk fans.

“If humans evolved from apes, then why are there still apes around today?”

I'm on okcupid, and any message that doesn't involve punctuation, and fully spelled out words is automatically dismissed. If you know that you're going to be making your first impression with the message, it should show you put more time and thought into it than a casual text message.

These sandals: