I pretty much had to quit Weigh Watchers for this very reason. Like, I get *exactly* this many calories, and no, I won't share a single one. You know where the food is kept, you live here too.

When we first moved in together my boyfriend ate my leftover thai food while I was at work once.

I believe in this case he is actually a Financer

Everytime I hear coochie coo, I barf and die inside.

Eh, IDK - if my frenemy was about to marry my old fuck buddy - I probably wouldn’t say shit. I don’t count non committed entanglements & if my frenemy didn’t already know dude was my emergency bang for a decade- it really wasn’t special.

Of all the places for Suge Knight to be shot seven times, it happened at a Chris Brown party. Way to ruin your street cred, Suge.

Either he has a mouth full of cotton balls, bad botox all over his face or he’s fucking wicked hammaaaard.

Does anyone else find humor in the fact that “The Battle of Bastards” takes place on Father’s Day?

It was amazing— it wasn’t ‘Be good’ it was ‘just try to be less evil’

I liked the Canadian guy’s hierarchy of evil: Hitler>Mussolini>Trump>Bush. Oh and that Chad had lettuce hanging out of his mouth!

ALL OF THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS

In all seriousness, the over-prescribing of opioids is a serious problem, and I will eat my hat if this doesn’t unleash the litigation wave a la tobacco.

There is a fun part of dating?

lol probably for the best. I mean, if these are the choices, I feel like no one really wants to be any of them.

CHEAT SHEET:

SO how are we all sorting ourselves, guys? I mean, this is the new Hogwarts Houses of personality indicators.

I would love it if Grand Ol’ Partiers was an option so I know EXaACTLY which people to avoid.

Will someone get the producers of the Bachelorette on the phone? Because this is GOLD.

When I was about 13 I realized I liked lemonade but it was so damn sweet. So at restaurants I would ask for water and 2 to 3 lemon slices (the thick kinds not the puny ones) and squeeze all the lemon juice into my water and add about 2 packets of sugar, best lemonade ever. Had to switch up diners here and there cause…