That depends. Is the teacher black or white?

For people who don’t know, this is censorship through law.

According the the GOP, teachers are incompetent layabouts who are using their union to strangle America but at the same time they want to arm us all because I’m competent enough to shoot a dude in a packed school hallway.

As a married fella I can tell you: Not as many as you hope.

Sewing chaos in general may have been their goal...

If influencing the outcome of the election was not the main goal of Russia’s interference in the election, what was it?

It’s more fun to go off the side of the boat and then run and tell your friends to “come look, there’s a fish!” and then they run over and they look at your poo.

Fun fact: they do have a garbage disposal type toilet! It’s called a macerator because it literally chews up your shit and TP. My friends built a bathroom in their basement where there wasn’t really any piping for one, and they had to install a macerator so that the flushed stuff could be forced upwards into the…

The horse-talking person has all the mental faculties of a horse in a person’s body (and vice versa).

There is a lot of Very Important Journalism happening during these Olympics and I am here for every last bit of it.

Honestly, at this point, they’d be better be fucking because this stuff would be downright weird if they’re not.

If you stop watching the series at Jim saying “...then it’s a date” and the cut to Pam’s face, you have a really satisfying show and don’t really miss anything.

Like many Derren Brown “psychological tricks,” I’m guessing it’s either fake as shit or he’s going to claim after he’s exposed that he was just trying to make a point about how gullible the audience is.

*They’ve boned since winning gold, with medals around their necks.

I think I am at #3... but they make their IRL partners watch them fuck.

Jesus Christ. Her name is Virtue, Barry. Of course, they’re fucking.

Come on, you’re better than this! My wife and I play in a bowling league together and we’re not fucking.

I’m gonna say they’re not but they want to. The best seasons of The Office are before Jim & Pam hooked up.

“Having great hitters only makes it harder to sacrifice bunt.” - Donny Baseball

Great! Now it’s only 95% of my Whole Paycheck.