WHY ISN’T THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF JUICE

Oh yea, that one too.

The “chilled juciero” is $1,500

Well, if “politicsusa.com” says so...

Hey, that set has screws AND nails. How do I know what to use when?

This would be more like if Keurig came with the following instructions:

But its got WiFi!

Ok - so for $300 you can get a high end fancy juicer that you can actually use to juice things. Didn’t anyone in the goddamn Silicon Valley look at this Juicero thing and ask why anyone in their right mind would pay $400 for something that a $300 device can do better?

He took one of the best parts of Capri Sun and made a robot do it. WTF.

My favorite is them saying that it is less messy to use a machine. Because when I typically pour myself a glass of juice, the liquid gets everywhere. The counter top. My shirt. My fucking eyes.

In Bloomberg’s squeeze tests, hands did the job quicker, but the device was slightly more thorough.

If only Doug had the pitchman power of Troy McClure.

If that guy had invented a machine that gets the straw into those god-forsaken bags, he’d be a bazillionaire.

The device Evans spent three years laboring to invent is a $400 WiFi-enabled tabletop machine that squeezes juice ... out of a bag of Juicero-brand juice. It squeezes bags of juice.

This seems really fucking stupid until you walk through any grocery store coffee aisle and realize it’s 95% Keurig.

If making juice out of juice is so easy then how come everyone’s not doing it?

Doug, unfortunately, has a level of building skills that leave him frustrated and challenged by anything more complicated than a Bob The Builder playset. It’s just that everybody saw how excited he was, and, well, nobody had the heart to tell him he was kind of a loser.

The device Evans spent three years laboring to invent is a $400 WiFi-enabled tabletop machine that squeezes juice ... out of a bag of Juicero-brand juice. It squeezes bags of juice. It is a juice press that squeezes the juice ... out of bags of juice. Bags ... with built-in spouts ... that are filled with juice. Juice…

This is my favourite excerpt.