“Look, you can question my abilities, and you can doubt my talent, but one way or another, I got the guy out.” - Jon Lester/Johnnie Cochran

I don’t think the entire staff is sincere here. If he came out as pro-Kale Wheat Chips & Granola Bunches O’Grain cereal, Marchman would at least try to get his sentence reduced to 25-30 years.

“Well, her real name is Christine Jingleheimer, but her middle name is Violence, so she goes by Christine Violence. Yeah, it’s a Facebook thing, I don’t know what’s going on.”

This is why we can't have female refs in the NFL!

Some men are born great, some thrust great tacos inside of them. Repeatedly. For twenty years.

Real quick, before you go- how far can you punt a football?

...the topic of this Golf Digest effort—“The Hottest Patrons at Augusta”—is just awful.

If you can't run an effective 2-3 zone, how are you gonna manage a corsage and a fumbling handjob at the end of the night? She made the right decision.

"...When you can fuck, fuck. But do not fuck with the pancreas."

I actually agree with the refs- Winslow didn't touch that ball. But then again, I watched the game on a Sega Dreamcast.

They wouldn’t go back to 1994 for wallet chains. Everyone knows the only reason to go back to ‘94 is to spend all summer in the movie theater. The greatest year in the history of film.

“If there was no bubble, he’s not in trouble!”

This would totally change the momentum of the case if he didn’t murder those three people.

Our investigative team noted that Cosart placed approximately 17 bets on Marlins-Astros games through various channels. However, we will not prosecute Mr. Cosart, as our bylaws strictly prohibit gambling on (emphasis ours) “major league” games. As such, Mr. Cosart is hereby free from prosecution, and we wish him best…

That must be one massive nut.

White Men Can’t Grope

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“Knee injury—severe—or concussion? I’ll take the concussion. Absolutely, no-brainer.” - Colin Cowherd, 1998

It sounds bad, until you realize they only had to run a qatar-marathon, which is only like 6.5 miles.

Oh man, this kind of harsh act will set Macedonia-Gibraltar relations back centuries. Think of the children, Gibraltans! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!